In conversations during clinical supervision, a concept that often resonates with interns is the “Response Ruler” method. Throughout my career, I developed this tool to help individuals gauge their reactions when they feel triggered or upset. One of the key insights I’ve learned is that we are entitled to feel every emotion that arises within us. Emotions serve as valuable cues, signaling our thoughts, situations, and behaviors. For instance, if someone annoys us, it’s perfectly natural to feel anger, shock, confusion, or a mix of these emotions.
However, what I observe is that many people regret how they respond or express those feelings. Overreacting can lead to feelings of guilt and often results in compensatory behaviors or words that don’t truly reflect what they’re experiencing. Instead, I encourage us to practice observing, naming, and appropriately expressing our emotions.
When you’re feeling angry, consider the physical cues in your body. Do you notice heat rising in your face? Do you grind your teeth, feel your heart race, or clench your fists? Imagine pausing in that moment and simply saying, “I feel angry right now.” This acknowledgment can be powerful.
Like the Hulk, our emotional reactions can be intense, but we don’t have to transform dramatically every time we’re upset. Using the Response Ruler method, think of a recent situation that triggered your emotions and rate it on a scale from zero to ten—where zero means no emotional distress. Next, assess how you responded to that situation on the same scale. If the situation was a 3, did you respond as a 3 or did you react at a 6? What would a true 3 response look like? Remember, this scale is subjective; what might feel like a 10 to you may only be a 5 to someone else.
Gem: Awareness of our emotions and understanding their nuanced expressions can help us respond more thoughtfully in challenging situations.
